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Talk:There's Your Trouble/@comment-25598148-20141119200010
Just to explain what happen with me with last posts being really depressin. I didn't want anyone to worry about me at all. Sometimes I just need to breathe. But more often than usual lately I've been having real bad suicidal thoughts which I mean it's normal for me but more bad than usual I guess. So yeah, bad. But when I posted 'i did something bad' I meant (I told a few people this already but I didn't want to say it here because I'm afraid ppl will think Im an attention whore but I'm not trying to be but anyway...) that I had hurt myself and I've really felt like doing a lot more... but well what I am saying is that. And I mean thats alls I'm gonna say. I hurt myself and I don't think it's proper to go into detail and explain because honestly, it's just no ones busineess and shouldn't of happened again. I'm not gonna lie and say I am feeling better because I honestly do not and never really do. But fact of the matter is just that something happened. And I'd hate for someone I care about to leave unexpectedly and me not know why. I'm not saying I am leaving but won't say that I am not either. I mean, I'm sort of just here as I say. I mean if anyone really wants to talk to me, talk page is always there and I've unistalled Skype for now because it glitches on my comp, and it's a waste of space on my phone...but I always have kik so if anyone ever wants something from me. Iam always there. But there are a lot of factors that build up to me feeling this way but it's not the publics/just anyones business so like certain people will know my problems I guess but for me to pour everything out to anyone I'd just be a burden and attention whore and quite frankly, i wouldn't even want to , to begin lol ... because it's all too much. But what I also am getting at is that honestly, I wasn't planning or thinking to really comment here again for at least a few days - bc tbqh I'm nto ready to so dont exepct it but dont be alarmed if I am not contrib a lot for now. I was honestly just talking to cam (which talking to cam can get pretty weird to me. i feel like all spirital and philosophical after because it makes me think and all) and basically if it was anyone else I wouldn't be posting this right now and I'd probably be laying down and feeling bad about myself at this very moment. Which would suck. But anyway talking made me realize that it's not what I wanna do to just disappear and all that stuff. I mean I'm not trying to be distant I just am I guess. Like i said anyone can message me on kik and all. What happened is just that bad stuff happened, as I explained, and I don't feel any better or anything but being around certain people makes me feel better and Im not gonna just stop because I'm sad cause thy still make me momentarily happy, im still in same bad, bad place and hurting as I was when I posted those and it will continue just I dont want any to worry about me and all. Plus I'd never say I'm leaving or I dont like to say that because most of the time thats a pile of horseshit and I know it would be for me because i love everyone far too much. And besides, dont want to leave. Just need security or find some way to feel secure because honestly I have not felt that way in a long time. Certain people give me secrurity, certain things/ppl simply do not and thats something to fix/work around.